Lovely Ladies Book Group Retreat Whidbey Island 2009

Whenever Meg emailed us, she would start her greeting with, “Hello Lovely Ladies!”, which forever stuck as the name of our group.

Meg lives with her husband, Cary, in Olympia, WA, just an hour and 15 minutes south of Seattle (yes, she does make the commute almost every month to our meetings!). She works for the State Energy Office in Olympia, coordinating a multi-stakeholder advisory process related to renewable energy and conservation.

In 2009, she started her business FigureGround, where she offers business strategy and right livelihood coaching for small businesses. “I’m passionate about untapping creativity and promoting 360-degree awareness — of self, others, and the larger systems that sustain us,” she said.

Meg is also finishing up her MBA at the Bainbridge Graduate Institute (BGI) and will be graduating in June. ”My focus has been on systems thinking, coaching, organizational leadership and impact investing. I’m a nimble generalist and lifelong learner who values interpersonal growth, emotional intelligence, and plenty of time in the mountains,” she said.

Meg on Orcas Island 2013
Photography by J. Napolitano

But what’s really cool about Meg is her dedication to her favorite activity, which has been volunteering for the last four years at the Washington Corrections Center for Women (WCCW) in Gig Harbor.  This is the only prison in the state where women who are charged with a crime are sent. Meg taught weekly classes there for two years, but had to stop when she began graduate school. Wanting to remain connected to the women in the prison, she initiated ongoing monthly workshops, inviting yoga teachers from Olympia and Seattle to share their expertise and unique perspectives.  She collaborates with the Seattle-based Yoga Behind Bars which provides teachers for the workshops.

About seven years ago, when Meg was volunteering at two community radio stations in Olympia, she interviewed Sarahjoy Marsh, a mentor based in Portland, about her yoga program–Living Yoga. She was so inspired by Sarahjoy’s work — “Sarahjoy was my original spark” — and that’s how she ended up volunteering at WCCW.

Yoga has been a wonderful practice for me and I can’t get enough of it.  Each week when I go, it restores me in a way that is indescribable. Ok, I’ll try to describe it. When I show up at class, my body is a complete mess — I am sore in various places in my back, my stomach is usually tensed up, and my mind is noisy. We sit for a few minutes in meditative silence… sometimes we chant… sometimes we just focus on our breathing. And by the end, 1 hour and 15 minutes of rhythmic and predictable poses later, I’m a new person. I’m calmer, more present, and the cricks in my body have all but disappeared. What remains is a slight, but welcome soreness, meaning that I have stretched myself to new heights. And I am definitely more relaxed and attuned to my body. (Read Claire Dederer’s “Poser” if you want some real humor about yoga!)

Because I understand the tremendous benefits of yoga, it’s been great watching Meg take her yoga practice deeper, first as a student learning from her mentors, and then as an instructor.

“Yoga has been an important part of my life for the past 13 years and continues to sustain me. I feel more resilient physically and it has deepened my awareness of intuition. It has improved my relationships and challenges me to remain present to my life. I love the endless layers of yoga; it’s comforting to know I’ll never reach the end,” she explained.

It’s a little surreal for Meg, walking past the WCCW security guards, into the somber-looking building, but once she gets into the room where she teaches the yoga class, it feels like any other class, where she is gifting her talents to people who deserve and crave them.

The inmates from WCCW come from all ethnicities and all ages (20′s-50′s). Usually there are eight women per class and a core group of four students who come every time.  It’s quite popular and there is even a waiting list to get into the class, which is 45 minutes long. Some students have practiced for years, while others are new to yoga.

“I feel it’s important to help provide access to resources that the inmates wouldn’t otherwise have—especially in their restricted environment. Sharing yoga with these women—and learning alongside them—is incredibly fulfilling.  Plus, the willingness of other teachers to share in this teaching community is terrific as well, because the women are able to experience a variety of teaching styles and yoga philosophies far beyond what I could offer on my own,” said Meg.

She continued, “The women are dedicated and incredibly open to learning. They’ve said they value the connection with the outside world and the tools we offer to help them cope with the world inside.”

For Meg, teaching yoga in prison “is really the only place in my life that I feel useful and that I am doing real work.”

Take a look at this video where Meg offers a personal insight into her experience as a yoga instructor inside the prison system. (Note- this video is closed captioned.)

Isabel was walking home from school (usually she is driven by her friend’s mother, but her friend was sick that day) – all of four blocks – when she was approached by a stranger who said to her, “Hey, I got something for you!” She immediately ran to the nearest house, rapped on the door — and here is the saddest part of the whole story — the resident ignored her pleas for help. The man drove away and she ran safely the rest of the way home.

How can anyone be afraid of a little girl screaming, “I need to call my mom!”? Ok, without having all the background information, I know it was an old man who probably couldn’t even hear what she was saying, but still… isn’t the terrified expression on her face enough?

Heroine Isabel Carpenter

Anyway, I am so thankful I saw this article, because it is a timely reminder that I am way overdue for one of those “important big conversations” that you have with your kids about life in general. We have regular conversations about character development- things like, why we shouldn’t hit our younger brother even though he is so annoying, or why this kid or that kid said something that was rude or just plain mean. But every once in a while we have the “big” conversation, about stuff like the birds and the bees or death (ie. the recent loss of our cat).

I know I have had conversations, years ago, about “stranger danger” with my oldest, who is now 10, but as she strains for more independence, it would be timely to have another. And I don’t think I have yet had the talk with my youngest, who is 7. I don’t want to frighten them and I feel sad that in this day and age we have to be so wary of others. Well, we don’t have to, but we do have to be cautious. Nothing is for certain anymore.

So, my two kids are quite different in personalities. The older one is more introverted and keeps to herself. She is not a risk-taker, is more cautious, and makes good decisions. The younger is very outgoing and loves to chat it up with anyone in sight. Remember those studies about delayed gratification? Kids who waited to eat a marshmallow had better positive life outcomes. He’s one of those kids who won’t wait. But maybe I underestimate him! (Apparently, there’s new research showing that environment plays a role, as opposed to innate abilities.)

After I read the article, I told him to come over and sit by me while he had his ice cream. Nothing like a little sugar to loosen the tongue and lighten the mood.

“If someone came up to you and said, ‘Hey, I have something to show you in my car,’ what would you do?” I began, innocuously enough.

My son smiled at me, thought, hemmed and hawed, and finally came up with: “I would say, no thank you.”

“And what would you do next?”

“I would wait for an answer. They might have something else they want to say to me. I can’t just walk off!” (and at this point, I’m thinking to myself, knowing full well how curious and respectful he would be in this situation, ” heck, yes, walk away!!”)

As we chatted, it was clear that he would be cautious, but he would want to keep the conversation going. In fact, when I asked, “What if you were at the park and you saw somebody doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing- like, they obviously didn’t belong there?” he responded with, “I would go up to them and tell them they weren’t supposed to be doing that!”

I have my work cut out for me: I must arm my kids with the tools they need to be confident, brave, generous, compassionate, and strong members of our community. And I need to teach them to trust their gut feelings and that no matter what, if they walk away, it is ok.

From Seattle Foundation website

If you are trying to start your own giving practice and are interested in donating, but aren’t quite sure where to give your money, it can be overwhelming try to figure that out. In the last few weeks, I have received numerous emails from various nonprofits I have supported over the years, announcing their participation in GiveBig and entreating me to participate. I can imagine that due to the sheer volume of emails you get, you might just ignore them.

You can certainly check out the incredibly long list of nonprofits, each having a link to its own website. This list is alphabetical, which, on the one hand, can be helpful if you already have an organization in mind.  On the other hand, the Foundation’s online Giving Center includes information and evaluations of more than 1,400 nonprofit organizations working on a broad range of issues: Arts & Culture, Basic Needs, Economy, Education, Environment, Health & Wellness, Global Giving, and Neighborhoods & Communities. Using the Giving Center, I believe, would be more helpful for potential donors who are not quite sure yet what issue they want to support.

I think there are people out there (maybe you, especially if you are reading this!) who want to help, but are turned off by the enormity of the task ahead. Wading into a morass of nonprofits who are all trying to do the best they can with what they have, is enough to make the most intrepid donor-wanna-be flee. If you already know who you are donating to, great! Any amount helps- even $5!

I’ve put together a guide to outline the steps you can take to pick the cause you want to support. My hope is that it will make the process easier and less anxiety-provoking! All you readers not living in Seattle: this guide can be used for your own community.

Your feelings about the cause you most care about can change over time, from week to week, month or month, or over the course of the year. And that’s totally ok. Go with whatever you groove to most, in this moment. You can use these steps in any way  you want- in any order or only some of them.

Step 1: Involve your significant other, friends, or family. It can be more fun to have someone else or several people to join in with you in your giving practice. Involving children is a wonderful way to get them interested in issues beyond their backyard. You could have a family meeting where you discuss the issues each of you cares about.

Step 2: Pick the location of the issue you care most about: local, national, or international.

Step 3: Decide what issue(s) you care most about. It is possible to give to more than one organization, especially if it’s a tie between several issues (and you want to avoid disappointing your children!). The Seattle Foundation’s Giving Center has an excellent breakdown of the “elements”.

Step 4: Pick the method of service delivery you prefer. Organizations have different strategies for working on their issues: research, advocacy, training/education, program development, and community building, to name a few.

Step 4: If you want to take this another step further, do some research and ask questions. Google is your best friend. Every well-established organization will have a website where all the information is at your fingertips. And again, the Giving Center has evaluations and information about all registered 1400 nonprofits. Here are some sample questions:

1. Sources of funding: Where does the organization get the bulk of its money? From large foundations (ie. Gates) or primarily individual donors giving a range of amounts? If you want to support organizations that depend heavily on individual donors but only a few large foundations, that will narrow the choosing field.
2. Organizational structure: How many staff and volunteers work there? Some organizations have 1-2 staff and their programs are primarily volunteer-run.
3. Does the organization work closely with community partners or is this a sole operation? Working with community partners demonstrates a good leverage of resources and funding.
4. Look at the annual report. This gives you a good idea how well organized an organization is. Are there stories of impact? Do you have a good idea of the types of programs delivered? Is the report well-written? Do they have a good fundraising track record?
5. Is the organization well-known or does it get very little media coverage? Generally, those organizations that don’t get attention have smaller budgets and their outreach is limited.
6. What will your donation be used for? Funds can go for general operating support (staff salaries and basic program maintenance) or more specific things like materials, training, workshops, etc.

Step 5: Decide how much money you want to donate.  If this is your first donation of the calendar year, kudos to you! If you are planning to make several donations throughout the year or make a year-end donation around the holidays, you can work with a financial advisor to help with this or keep it very simple. It’s a very personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer.

Step 6: Choose the organization you want to support. This link has a list of the organizations participating in GiveBig.

This may seem daunting and even overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. If you want to make well-informed decision about where your dollars are going, take the time to research your options. You may know right off the bat where you want to donate, and I encourage you to research that organization(s) carefully. There are tons of good ones out there! Again, any amount you give makes a difference.

Good luck and let me know how it went and if you have any other ideas!

Sowing the seeds for your giving practice!

]]> http://inspiredphilanthropist.com/2013/05/14/how-to-choose-an-organization-to-donate-to-givebig-seattle-2013/feed/ 0 esralston From Seattle Foundation website Sowing the seeds for your giving practice! http://inspiredphilanthropist.com/2013/05/09/bill-gates-invests-in-improving-teacher-performance/ http://inspiredphilanthropist.com/2013/05/09/bill-gates-invests-in-improving-teacher-performance/#comments Thu, 09 May 2013 19:17:30 +0000 esralston http://inspiredphilanthropist.com/?p=1378 Continue reading →]]> Bill Gates wants to help teachers get good and real feedback to improve their performance. Apparently the US is ranked 15th (tied with Iceland and Poland) in reading, 23rd in science and 31st in math. That’s not good enough for him. He wants to find a way to help teachers get better because:

“It would put us on a path to making sure all our students get a great education, find a career that’s fulfilling and rewarding, and have a chance to live out their dreams. This wouldn’t just make us a more successful country. It would also make us a more fair and just one, too.”

Gates said developing this system would cost $5 billion, which happens to be less than 2% of what the U.S. spends every year on teacher salaries!!

Take a look at Gates’ ten-minute talk on TED and tell me what you think:

I don’t know if I can bring myself to tell her about the Western Black Rhino being declared extinct. But it may be necessary, if she wants to play a part in saving other animals.

Western Black Rhino
From CNN article

So, if you are an animal lover, and are concerned about the fate of endangered species, you can check out the World Wildlife Fund which will give suggestions on how to help. When I have more time, I’ll try to post a list of resources to check out.

Nathan and his parents

So far Amy and her family have raised $9315 — their goal is $25,000.

—-

IP: When did you first notice Nathan wasn’t seeing well and what did you do for him?

AH: Nate (my husband) and I realized finally when Nathan was almost 3 years old that he wasn’t seeing normally.  One night while in the bathtub we noticed one of his eyes cross way in.  We took Nathan to a pediatric eye doctor in Barrington, IL, and she diagnosed him with “Accommodative Estropia”, saying that his weak eye will cross in so that the stronger eye can take over.  He started wearing bifocals right away because he was severely farsighted, which explained why he would feel our faces so often.

About two weeks after wearing his glasses, Nathan was reading.  By the time he was about four years old, he was reading chapter books!  We also started to notice then that he couldn’t see in the dark at all.  We brought this up to the doctor, but she didn’t seem to be concerned.

Fast forward to 2011 when the school district was getting rid of the gifted program. A friend had gotten IQ testing done for her son the previous year with Dr. Michelle Navarro. My friend encouraged me to do the same for Nathan so that he could qualify for gifted programs outside of the school district.  Thank God I took her advice and went because it was all due to Dr. Navarro’s findings that Nathan was diagnosed.  If it wasn’t for her, we’d still be with the same doctor, unaware of what was really going on with our son’s eyes!

Dr. Navarro found that Nathan had a genius IQ, but that he had a “visual processing disorder.”  She told me that a second opinion on his eyes was a very good idea.  I took her advice and we went to see Dr. Larry Kaufman in the city just a couple weeks later.  The doctor dilated his eyes and as soon as he looked at them, he saw that Nathan had severe retinitis pigmentosa.

We finally had the explanation that we needed, and I truly believe that Nathan was relieved.  He was now able to explain to everyone why he was so clumsy….always tripping over things if he was looking ahead, or bumping into things if he was looking down.  Nathan has no peripheral vision at all and is night blind.

Nathan Hayes

IP: As a mom of a son with some life challenges, what kind of advice would you give others, to inspire them to take action and be more hopeful of making a difference?

AH: When you have a child who has a disability or other life challenges, I feel that it’s most important to be honest with your child and deal with the emotions and hardships openly.  We have wonderful communication in our house, and the atmosphere is always positive.  When Nathan was diagnosed, it wasn’t easy for us to remain positive, but we were lucky that Nathan’s amazing attitude is what lifted us up.  He was very direct with us and told us that he was ready to face the future of vision loss head on.  We have never looked back!

Our drive and motivation is to help find a cure for these degenerative retinal diseases.  We were fortunate to find the Foundation Fighting Blindness, and not only have they become our biggest hope for a cure, but they have also become one of our biggest support systems.  If you have a child facing a life challenge, then grab the bull by horns and make a difference!  Find an organization that supports your cause and volunteer, get active and build relationships.  Sitting back and feeling sorry for yourself or your child, or constantly asking yourself “Why us?”, will do nothing but take you backwards and have you relive the awful moment of truth over and over again.  Amazing advancements are made everyday, so why not try to be a part of having those advancements or cures come sooner than later?!

IP: Who inspires you and why? 

Through the foundation I have met many wonderful people with vision loss and their families, but one man always stands out in my mind.  John Corneille, a legally blind lawyer out of Dekalb, IL, has had retinitis pigmentosa since he was a young lad.  John has done amazing things with his life and has worked so hard to spread awareness of blinding diseases.  He owns his own law firm and is the director of planned giving for the Foundation Fighting Blindness.

John has charmed many with his witty ways….even Cindy Crawford and April Lufrui (Mrs. World 2012…..and another retinitis pigmentosa sufferer).  With the recent FDA approval of the Argus II “bionic retina”, there’s hope that John and many others could actually get some of their vision back.  There are so many stories of hope on the Foundation Fighting Blindness webpage that are sure to inspire you.

—-

Teagan Hayes, 11, Nate’s sister, wrote a poem after he was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa:

“If I couldn’t see”

If I Couldn’t See

If I couldn’t see,

I’d be in my dreams,

I’d find my way around,

And try not to fall down.

I’d listen and hear,

with my very own ears.

I’d ask for help,

To walk around,

Then I’d memorize the whole town.

The streets, the walls, and the turns too.

Then I’d imagine,

The sky so blue.

By Teagan Hayes

How to help:

• Send a donation on behalf of the Hayes family’s fundraising efforts for the Vision Walk.
• Donate directly to the Foundation.
• Participate in a nearby Vision Walk.
• Get involved with your local chapter for the blind.
• Participate in the national conference, Visions2013 in Baltimore, June 27-30.

Karen Story
Courtesy of KS

My friend Karen Story is a writer and a community activist living in Kirkland. I think she is an amazing and inspiring individual — she is one of those people who is always thinking about ways to give back both locally and globally. I was fortunate enough to meet Karen last year when I first started my blog. We discovered we had a lot in common, not only through our mutual interests in philanthropy, but we are both former Peace Corps Volunteers (she was in Togo, West Africa).

I mentioned her in an earlier post about her upcoming trip to Guatemala.  She recently returned and shared with me a great summary of her adventure.

“Ever since my sister adopted two children from Guatemala I have wanted to go there to learn about my niece and nephew’s birth culture. Knowing that Guatemala is a developing nation recovering from years of brutal civil war, I hoped to contribute in some small way as a volunteer. I chose a one-week malnutrition project, and I also visited two other charities. In between, I spent a few days each in Antigua and Panajachel. It was an amazing experience.”

Read about Karen’s experience here.

Now that Karen is back from her 2 1/2 week trip, she hasn’t slowed down one bit. When I asked her what she has going on, she told me she is writing articles and gardening guides, volunteering at a hospice, organizing the Kirkland summer concerts, and removing invasive plants such as blackberry, ivy, and holly, as a volunteer steward for Cotton Hill Park, one of the urban forests being restored as part of Green Kirkland.

Whew!

Way to go Karen- keep up the good work.

Brené Brown with my friend Lisa

My friends and I went out for dinner afterwards and we all agreed that Brené is an awesome storyteller. She had us in stitches for the first 20-30 minutes and then she got right down to business. I really appreciated how she started off on such a light note, because the topic of vulnerability is not an easy one to discuss.

People she worked with got the wrong idea of what “Daring Greatly” was really about. And she illustrated this by showing pictures of incredibly ridiculous design drafts of her book cover– “a white man on a tightrope wire” and an elephant riding a unicycle.

She said, “There is no chance in hell of my name being under an elephant’s ass!” And the audience went crazy with laughter!

Brené eased into the topic of vulnerability by telling a story about swimming across a small lake with her husband while on a family vacation. This was a precious opportunity for them to spend some time together alone. She used to be a competitive swimmer in her youth and was thrilled to be in the water in her new speedo swimsuit.

So Brené is swimming across the lake with her husband and suddenly felt this powerful wave of love and gratitude, and she stopped halfway across the lake and said to him, “I am so glad we are doing this together. I feel so connected to you.”

And her husband responded with a flat, “Uh-huh. Yeah.”

She made herself vulnerable again when they reached the other side of the lake and got the same response.

“How many of you would try again?” she asked the audience and not many people raised their hands.

But she tried again a third time when they came back, and the same thing happened. She felt herself starting to get “pissed off.”

She told him, “Ok, here’s the story I’m making up in my head about what’s going on…either 1) You think I can’t swim anymore; or 2) I don’t look so good in a Speedo anymore.”

He said, “You’re being vulnerable aren’t you? I am not going there, Brené.”

She replied, “Well I am, and it’s fixing to go downhill real fast!”

And he reluctantly told her about a nightmare he had had the night before about taking several kids swimming across the lake and trying to keep them safe. He revealed he felt enormous pressure because everyone wanted him to be the superhero Doctor/Dad/competitive swimmer who is all-powerful and can make everything ok.

So no wonder he wasn’t connecting with Brené- how can you when you are in the throes of a panic attack? And she had no idea what he had been thinking because the story she had made up in her head was coloring everything.

After this wonderful connecting talk, he said to her, “You look really hot in that Speedo!”

Brené talked about 4 myths of vulnerability, which for me, were the biggest takeaways of the evening:

1. Vulnerability = Weakness. For many people, their childhoods were filled with messages such as: “You should soldier on, be tough!” or “Do you want to have training wheels when you’re 30???” Vulnerability is showing up and being seen. And by living a courageous life, it means that you’re uncomfortable more than you’re comfortable.

2. I can opt out of being vulnerable. You can hide behind a mask, but that is virtually impossible. Vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Ask someone you trust: “What do I do when I am vulnerable?”

3. Vulnerability is letting it all hang out. Oversharing on facebook or having a lack of boundaries is not vulnerability. Vulnerability is trust and intimacy and being able to share your story with people who have earned the right to hear it.

4. I can do it alone. No. Humans are hardwired for connection, love and belonging.

(Thank you, Lisa, for taking notes on this talk.)